Damn.
Hev. Jim. I just want to thank you again 101--
-ls Murphy in? -Not yet.
Thank you again to! inviting me to the Duntvies Club.
I am so psyched about tonight that I don't even mind wearing my tux.
-Now listen. I just gotta to make suve-- -Hey. Jim--
-ls Murphy in? -All clear.
Thanks to! inviting me to tonight's dinner.
Gonna be a treat listening to Red Bishop.
True American hero. Earned a Silver Star at Normandy.
Sat at Kennedy's elbow during the Cuban Missile Crisis.
-Imagine the stories that guy‘s gonna tell. -Yeah. yeah. Now what about Ted Williams?
You said he was gonna be there.
You said there would be the same dessert cart as last year...
...and Ted Williams will be there.
Ted Williams is gonna to be there?
The Splendid Splinter. The greatest hitter to ever play baseball.
I am finally gonna get to get a chance to meet him. Way to go. Jim! All right!
Jim. come on. Let's see it you can penetrate this detense here.
-Oh. Murphy. hi. -Hello. Murphy.
How you doing?
I see we're all excited about our big evening. aren't we?
And why shouldn't we be?
Red Bishop is one ot the greatest storytellers in Washington.
Ted Williams is going to be there.
And I hear the dessert cart is better than sex.
Well. you all have a good time. Don't worry about my teelings.
I can take it. I guess.
Murphy. you know there‘s a reason why I didn't invite you.
Yes. The reason.
I bet they have apple Brown Betty on the dessert cart.
I really love apple Brown Betty.
It‘s just not fair.
Murphy gets to do commentary. Frank gets to do commentary.
Why can't I?
I don't think there‘s a story in where you stand on people with tat pets.
It‘s a heartbreaking problem. Miles.
Did you know that. given a choice. a dog will eat itselt to death?
So would my Aunt Esther. I don't see you worrying about her.
Guys. in nine hours and counting...
...we‘ll be swapping stories at the Duntries Club with Red Bishop.
Heard Ted Williams is gonna be there too. How about that. huh?
BoY. it‘s going to be a great evening. Jim.
Frank.
Scott.
Murphy. Murphy! You're here!
Someone could have told me.
You look nice today.
Love those little things you've got there. Earrings. right?
Miles is going too. huh?
Murphy. you know the Duntries Club is tor men only.
And they have great dinners with great guests...
...and I don't get to go tor one reason and one reason only.
And it has to do with something you've got and I don't.
A tiny. pathetic. little Y chromosome.
Murphy. you're making too big a deal out ot this.
It's just a club.
Oh. pipe down. Miles.
That's just what I'd expect you to say.
You male.
What are you yelling at me tor? You're not in this conversation.
Oh. yes. I am.
Every woman in this room is in this conversation.
And we're not leaving until we get what we want.
What do we want. Murphy?
We want to know why you're detending the Duntries Club.
You're not even a member.
Yet he gets to go tonight.
He who still needs a street map to tind the White House.
Well. I'm sick ot it.
It's the last men-only club in Washington...
...and it's time somebody broke the sex barrier.
WaY to go!
Jim. you've been a member tor years. They respect you.
I'm counting on you to get me in tonight.
Oh. now. hey. come on. You know I can't do that.
Why not? What goes on at that club you don't want women to see?
What do you guys do in there. some kind ot jockstrap dance?
Be caretul. Jim. They're turning on us.
Murphy. you're putting me in a difticult position.
Look. I'll make it up to you. I promise.
I'll take you to lunch tomorrow. My treat.
Dinner.
You can do the news break tomorrow night.
Come on. Murph.
Sorry. Jim. This babe can't be bought.
All right. Murphy!
Frank. Welcome.
I don't see him. He didn't show. did he?
He's here. inside. talking to Studs Terkel.
Ted Williams is here? Really?
Man. this is so great!
Now. Frank. I don't want you hounding him tor an autograph.
Right. right.
But take this little camera.
And it you happen to see me standing there with my arm around him....
Hey. you should see who's inside there.
It's like a Who's Who ot Washington.
Dan Ouay|e's telling knock-knock jokes. Sam Dona|dson's yelling at the attendant.
I wish Koppel wouldn't invite him.
Coming through. Excuse me.
Sorry.
-Hi. guys. -Murphy. What are you doing here?
There's a party and I decided to show up.
Hi. Lucy. Where's Ethel?
Murphy. we've been through this many times.
-You cannot be here. -I'm not leaving.
-You're not allowed in the club. -I'm already in.
No. the club's through there. You're in the toyer.
This looks too nice to be a toyer. Is this a trick?
No. we're in the damn toyer. Now go home.
I'm going in that club. Right now.
You aren't on the guest list.
-But my date is. Aren't you. Miles? -What?
-Come on. Give me your arm. -Why me?
Because you need something to tell your grandchildren...
...besides how you once made a wrong turn on Constitution Avenue...
...and wound up in a gay pride parade.
Good evening. I'm Terrence Mueller. manager ot the Duntries Club.
-Come on. Miles. Let's go tind our seats. -May I help you?
No. thanks. I'm with Jim.
No. Her car broke down outside and she needs to call a tow truck.
Here's a quarter. I'll catch you at the oftice.
Nice try. Jim.
Boy. I'm hungry. What's tor dinner?
This is all very amusing...
...but I'm sure you must be aware ot our policy regarding women.
I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
Gentlemen. it you'll all step inside. dinner is about to be served.
Go ahead. everyone. I'll be right in.
You're on your own. I'm going inside betore Willard Scott eats my shrimp cocktail.
Now come on. Mr. Mueller. You seem like a reasonable man.
Would $50 and Jessica Hahn's phone number do it?
I know you have a reputation tor doing this sort ot thing...
...but your behavior is very inappropriate...
...and I'm beginning to tind your attitude extremely oftensive.
Perch and rotate.
Excuse me. I'm going inside.
OkaY-
Okay. Fine.
I don't have to hang around here.
I have better things to do.
But I want to tell you something.
I think you're petty. I think you're small.
And your zipper's down.
Made you look.
Oh. Murphy. I just have to tell you.
You're incredible to take a stand the way you did last night.
Yeah. Me and Custer.
You know. I was only 5 when the women's movement started...
...but you've inspired me. Murphy.
Tomorrow. I just might leave my bra at home.
Yeah! All right!
Will our work never end?
Hello. Murphy. May I speak with you?
OI course. Come on in. Jim.
Murphy. about the little tracas at the club last night....
I know. Jim. It was a stupid stunt.
I apologize tor crashing your party.
I guess emotions were running high on both sides.
You know. I realized there's a much saner way ot handling the situation.
I want to join the Duntries Club.
Oh. that's rich. Murphy.
Nothing in the bylaws says a woman can't become a member.
It's just that no woman ever had the guts to apply betore.
All I need is a member to sponsor me. Will you do it?
Oh. sure.
Right alter I take ott my clothes...
...and sing "Rhinestone Cowboy" in the Capitol Rotunda.
Well. thanks a lot.
I thought we were triends.
I thought we were supposed to be there tor each other. I guess not.
Now wait just a minute. I've been there tor you plenty.
You've torgotten how I tought to get you on this show.
The network didn't want a woman anchor.
But I tlew to New York and convinced the brass.
And I lost my favorite gloves in a taxi...
...and they still haven't reimbursed me. the cheap sons ot B's.
Jim. it's wrong tor the Duntries Club to exclude women.
It isn't a public place. Murphy.
No one's being deprived ot work or equal pay.
This is about tradition.
It's about continuity.
It's about milk in glass bottles.
It's about service stations with men in unitorms...
...who cleaned your windshield and gave you a set ot steak knives.
MurphY-
I can't sponsor your application.
And out. We're into commercial. Take a minute to relax. people.
Tommy. could you shitt that light. It's right in my eyes.
Now it's in mine.
Fine. Whatever she wants.
You know. the more I think about it. the more angry I get.
Why shouldn't women be allowed in a men's club?
Guys are wearing earrings. they're getting lace-litts.
Corky. are you wearing a bra?
Get a lite. Frank.
Come on. Frank. You support me. don't you?
I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore.
Do I pull out the chair? Do I open the car door?
Do I pick up the check or do I otter to split it?
I don't know what the hell to do about crying in a movie.
-Am I right. guys? -Yeah. Come on.
I support you. MulPhY-
She ought to be allowed in that club.
She ought to be allowed to go anywhere she likes.
She's a beautitul person.
And one day she'll be my bride.
Will you knock it oil. Carl.
It's a private club. They should be able to do whatever they want.
I agree. Let them have their place. we'll have ours.
No way. When you keep people out. it's like discriminating.
-I'm with Murphy. -You're always with Murphy.
-So what? -I'm sitting home alone Saturday nights.
-How come you never ask me out? -Because you got a big mouth.
This is just great.
You involved everybody in our dispute. You're the most bullheaded person I've met.
-And you're elitist. -You always have to make a point.
Yes. I do. Jim. And here's another point:
-You apologize tor that. -Make me.
-This is just like you. Always pushing. -You're the most inflexible person ever.
Coming back in five. four. three. two....
Welcome back. Murphy Brown joins us now.
-Hi. Murphy. -Hello. Jim.
You just got back from Massachusetts.
Right. I spent a day with Governor Michael Dukakis.
Yes. the man who would be president.
-A very interesting politician. -Ouite a fellow.
-I met him in-- -We started in--
-Excuse me. -Sorry.
-I first met-- -We started our--
Please.
We started our day over breakfast. talking politics.
What strikes me. Jim. is that this is a man committed to making government work.
You have to like his gumption.
-Michael Dukakis-- -He's a fighter--
-I'm sorry. -My fault.
-You were saying. -No. please. go ahead.
-Are you sure? -Yes. Please continue.
I was just going to say. he's a dogged competitor.
Stronger. perhaps. even in defeat.
That's right. Jim.
Down but not out.
I'm finished.
Michael Dukakis had hoped to be spending this time in Washington setting up shop.
What are you doing here. Eldin? It's almost midnight.
I know. But I got a sudden inspiration.
I said. this lady needs a skylight in her bedroom.
No. Eldin.
I didn't ask for a skylight. I don't want a skylight.
Well. it's too late because I already cut the hole.
And I gotta finish it tonight...
...because the weather forecaster says rain. and if you sleep on your back...
...you could drown.
You're working for Diane Sawyer. aren't you?
She hired you to drive me crazy and it's working.
You know. you've got to get this men's club stuff out of your system.
You're losing your capacity for joy.
It's not worth it. I've been to the Dunfries plenty...
...and it's not that great a place.
Wait a minute. You're a member of the Dunfries Club?
No way. I tiled the steam room.
Big deal. Bunch of rich guys sit around naked.
Although. I must admit. it was a comfortable way to lay tile.
-Now what? -I'll get it.
-Hello. -Jim. what are you doing here?
It's late but I had to talk. I'll stay out here.
No. please. come in.
I want to apologize for my behavior on the air tonight. It was unforgivable.
No. no. please. Jim. I really feel rotten about all of this.
Our friendship means a lot to me.
Don't you have something to do?
No.
I just had to come over here and talk things through.
Murphy. can I tell you a story? It's sort of personal.
Sure. Jim.
-Coffee? -None for me.
-No. thanks. -Good.
When I was 10...
...the Randall boys built this wonderful tree fort.
All the boys in the neighborhood would go there...
...and they'd climb up the rope ladder. and hang out all afternoon.
But they wouldn't let me up there.
-Why not? -Sarah Bettinger.
We were in sixth grade. and Butch Randall had a crush on her.
She was tall and striking. The first to. well. blossom.
Anyway. one afternoon I was carrying her books home from school.
On the bridge. I kissed her.
Butch saw me do it. He was incensed.
-And he never let you up in the tree fort. -No.
But then he never kissed Sarah Bettinger.
Still. I never knew what it was like to have a special place like that.
That's what the Dunfries is for me. Murphy.
It's my tree fort. Can you understand that?
But what happened with the chick?
-I'll have some coffee. -I'll have some tea.
It was getting good. "Coffee."
You know. I've got my own story. Jim.
When I was 10 years old. the very same age...
...a bunch of boys in my neighborhood had a baseball team...
...and. more than anything. I wanted to play on it.
Well. I finally got up the guts to try out.
And they cut me.
They said I threw like a girl.
Well. you know me.
I practiced the whole winter. and then next spring...
...I gave it another try.
-What happened? -I got in.
Because they gave me a fair shot.
And I would have played too. if something else hadn't gotten in the way.
-What? -Puberty.
Sliding headfirst hurt.
What are we gonna do about this. Jim?
Do you have the application here?
Thanks. Jim.
Thanks very much.
You know. just because I'm sponsoring you doesn't mean you're in.
You still have to face the membership committee.
The odds of approval are slim at best.
Especially since David Brinkley thinks you're a putz.
-I'll take my chances. -You always do.
I can't believe it. It took me three tries to get into the Dunfries Club.
You just have to be a little resourceful.
A few phone calls. a little digging.
Your board members have quite a few skeletons in their closets.
Dirty pool. Murphy. Wish I'd thought of it.
Well. this is it.
It's time to boldly go where no woman has gone before.
Mr. Mueller. Boys.
Will you just go in. Murphy.
Hello.
Is it cold in here or is it just them?
They're going to need some time to adjust.
No one's very happy about using club dues to buy a Tampax machine for the restroom.
Maybe I should introduce you around.
Jim. I earn my living talking to mercenaries. slumlords. and crime bosses.
This will be a walk through the Easter Parade.
Okay. I'll be at the bar.
Hi. You're Anthony Clemens.
You're arguing that child custody case before the Supreme Court.
Yes. And you're Murphy Brown.
The woman.
Hi. Nice club you've got here.
Hello. I'm Murphy Brown. I'm new here.
I know. I'm Bert Wilson. club chaplain.
The chaplain.
I never thought I'd see the day a woman would be accepted in here.
I guess there's time for everything.
No. there isn't. I don't like it. It's a dark day.
You've desecrated our home and ruined our lives.
-Not going so well? -No.
Don't let it throw you. They're really good boys.
I should know. I've been around here for over 45 years.
You'll do fine.
Gee. thanks.
I'm beginning to feel more at home here already.
Let me give you a tip.
Appearance is very important here.
So. what do you say I put a nice polish on your shoes?
Oh. no. thank you.
Bitch.
So. how are you faring?
Great. Any minute now. I'm going to be elected social chairman.
Miss Brown.
I'm not the type to mince words. so I'm gonna say it to your face.
I don't want you here.
And I don't care if I'm the only one who doesn't.
Obviously. you haven't been paying attention.
Now. hold on. Jack.
Like it or not. she's a member of this club.
I think you should show her as much respect as you show me.
Cram it. Dial.
Maybe if you showed some backbone and stood up to her. she wouldn't be here.
Oh. is that right?
The fact is. if you measure right to membership in courage...
...and integrity and sheer professionalism...
...this woman has more right to be here than anybody.
I've spent more time with her than with any of you.
I can tell you she's as good a reporter as you'll ever find.
And a good friend.
And she shoots a damn fine game of billiards to boot.
And I'll step outside with anybody that says otherwise. right here. right now!
-Sit down. -Who said that. who said that?
Jim. why don't we go look at the library?
You people really tick me off. you know that?
Tick me off!
Our board approved her. I approved her. and if that's not good enough...
...then I guess you'll all just have to leave.
Hey. HEY!
You two gonna keep this up all night?
We close at midnight. It's after 1:00.
Well. let's see.
Why don't we ask the club president.
Madam President. what do you think? Should we extend our hours?
Why don't we take a vote among all our officers.
All those in favor of extending club hours. say aye.
-Aye. -Aye.
It's unanimous. New hours.
I'll have another soda. please.
Here. Knock yourself out.
-How are you feeling. Jim? -I feel good.
Like I knew that I would.
Seriously. I took your tree fort away.
Well. everything changes. Usually for the better.
I guess sometimes I wonder about a person who gets into her 40s...
...and she's still pushing her way into everything...
...upsetting all the applecarts...
...and wondering whether it's worth the fight.
Just who are you talking about?
Somebody else.
Okay. I've got one:
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